The Willingness to Wobble
I remember many years ago (in my life before teaching) sitting in a meeting about a project that, well, wasn't going so well. To my surprise one of the board members exclaimed in an upbeat fashion, "Well it's OK to fail, failure is good, it's how we learn".
I was dumbstruck. "What!" I thought, "this is the opposite motto to the way I've lived my whole life. Failure is bad and to be avoided at all costs" but his words had tweaked an interest and made me question, what was I missing out on by being so fearful of failure? Perhaps it was time to reframe it.
In later life as I learnt more about mindfulness and self-compassion, I began to see more clearly how my fear of failing often resulted in perfectionist tendencies that stifled creativity, growth, and exploration (as well as zapped my energy). It made my inner-critic hyper-vigilant, eager to ‘save’ me from any actual or perceived failing.
It opened my eyes and heart to the fact that wobbles were always going to be a part of life. No amount of forward thinking or advanced planning could prevent them all from happening. It helped me see that they were universal, a part of the human condition, rather than something to feel ashamed of. It helped me understand that peace of mind wasn’t about eliminating wobbles, but rather getting more skillful at navigating them.
In the words of Jon Kabat Zinn “you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf”.
Our yoga and meditation practice offers us space to do just that. Our practices is like a microcosm of our wider lives and wobbles are an inevitable element of it. Some come in physical form as we stand on one leg, others come in mental and emotional form as less than comfortable feelings move through our experience.
I sometimes think of our practice like a controlled experiment, providing a safe setting in which we learn to meet our wobbles, notice what narratives arise when they are present, and learn ways to navigate them with greater presence, patience, calmness, and compassion so that we can learn and grow from them rather than remain stuck or be destabilised by them. We learn in the safety of our practice so that we can bring these tools with us into our daily lives.
So next time you find yourself wobbling, whether on or off the mat, you might ask yourself:
What am I believing about myself just now?
Checking in if it really true, helpful or kind.
How might I tap into a source of steadiness while I move through this (or it moves through me)?
We might tune into our connection to the ground, find a steady gaze or allow the breath to grow smooth and steady.
How could I bring some kindness towards myself?
We are designed to feel calmed in the face of kindness so you might offer yourself some words of encouragement, support or care, place a caring hand on your heart or an act of self-care. On some days it might involve reaching out for support from a friend or loved one so that we can draw on their steady support and feel less alone as we navigate the wobbles in our life.
And if you fancy practicing wobbling with me, either on the mat or meditation cushion, it would be lovely to see you.