Wholeness over Happiness

Over the last week we have probably all heard the greetings of "Happy New Year!!" bounding around. I rather like this warm welcome into the year, but in talking to a dear friend this week who is having a rather a hard start to the year, it dawned on me that sometimes this traditional welcome might feel like a marker to be judging ourselves against. 

It can be helpful to remember that these words are offered by way of a wish rather than an expectation on how we should be feeling, and that feeling any way, at any time of year is not failing. 

It reminded me of a quote that a friend sent me last year from Hugh Mackay in his book The Good Life about the value of pursuing wholeness over happiness. I shared it with my friend and she found it so helpful, so I thought I would share it here too. 
 

“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that—I don’t mind people being happy—but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness.

It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down three things that made you happy today before you go to sleep” and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position. It’s rubbish.

Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say, “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!”

I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness.” Ask yourself, “Is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is."

So if in this first month of they year you find that it is not so much of a Happy New Year, I hope these words offer some comfort.  You have not missed the boat, you are not failing at a goal, you are riding the ups and down of life. Here is to finding greater wholeness in the year ahead, growing from the difficult days as well as savouring the moments of happiness which will no doubt be a part of it.